How to Talk About Sex (Without Feeling Awkward)

Good sexual communication is key to a healthy and fulfilling sex life. But for many of us, talking about sex can feel awkward, uncomfortable, and even taboo. If you're not used to talking openly and honestly about your sexual needs, desires, and boundaries, it's totally normal to feel a little intimidated at first. But just like with anything else, the more you practice, the easier it will become.

Make a date night out of it. Getting take-out and watching a movie together sounds like a great way to spend an evening—but it's not exactly conducive to open and honest conversation. Instead, try dedicating a specific day or evening each week to talking about your sex life. This way, you'll have uninterrupted time to really dig into the topic without feeling rushed or interrupted. Plus, knowing that you have dedicated time set aside for this conversation will help reduce any anxiety you might be feeling about broaching the subject.

Talk about the good stuff first. Too often, we focus on what's not working in our sex lives instead of what is. So make a point to start the conversation by sharing something positive about your recent sexual experiences with your partner. Not only will this help put your partner at ease, but it will also give you both something to build on as you explore ways to improve things further.

Good sexual communication is essential for a healthy and satisfying sex life—but it can be tough to know where to start if you're not used to talking about these things openly. Here are some questions to get you started:

• The thing I most admire about you is _____________.
• My most exciting sexual moment with you was _____________.
• The part of my body I feel the most self-conscious about is _____________.
• The sexiest part of your body is _____________.
• The thing about sex I am most uncomfortable with is _____________.
• The most exciting place for us to make love would be _____________.
• My favorite part of lovemaking with you is _____________.
• Things that make lovemaking exciting for me are _____________.
• The sexiest thing about you is _____________.
• The thing you do sexually that turns me on the most is _____________.
• The thing I want you to know about me sexually is _____________.
• Something new or different I am wanting to try with you is _____________.

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Based on what you heard from your partner, are there any action steps you want to take to help make sex more exciting and satisfying for both of you? Now, make a plan together and work with your partner to come up with some specific solutions that will work for both of you. This could be anything from trying out new positions or experimenting with different kinds of stimulation and sensation during sex. Whatever it is, be sure to write it down so you can refer back to it later for your next conversation:

Lastly, keep talking. Regularly. Put this subject on your relationship radar of important things to continue to revisit.

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