Ah, the holidays. A time for joy, togetherness, and the occasional passive-aggressive family comment about your pie crust not being quite as flaky as last year. For perfectionists, the holiday season can feel like a high-stakes performance review—except the audience is your loved ones, your inner critic, and possibly Instagram.
Perfectionism loves the holidays. It whispers that the lights have to be just right, the table must look like a Pinterest board, and every gift needs to spark tears of gratitude or else you’ve failed. But here’s the thing: the holidays are not a test. You don’t need to prove your worth through color-coordinated wrapping paper or perfectly browned turkey skin.
Here’s how to spot perfectionism creeping into your holidays—and how to stop it from stealing your joy.
Perfectionist thinking loves to cling to “how things have always been done.” You might feel a compulsive need to recreate every family tradition, down to the exact brand of eggnog your great-aunt used in the 90s.
But traditions are meant to evolve, not become rigid blueprints for your holiday success. Ask yourself:
Letting go of old traditions—or starting new ones—doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re adapting to what feels right for this season of your life.
For perfectionists, gift-giving can turn into an extreme sport. The pressure to find the “perfect” gift for every person on your list can be overwhelming. You might worry that if your gift isn’t thoughtful enough, it reflects poorly on you as a person.
Here’s a reframe: Gifts are about connection, not performance. Your worth isn’t tied to the price tag, the presentation, or the cleverness of your idea. Sometimes the simplest gestures—a handwritten note, a framed photo, a favorite book—mean the most.
If you’re stuck, ask:
Do you find yourself obsessing over whether your holiday decor is cohesive enough? Spending hours on a tablescape that no one will remember? Welcome to the perfectionist trap of overachievement.
Perfectionism tells us that the way our homes look during the holidays is a reflection of our value. But no one’s joy hinges on whether your garland matches your ornaments. Your family won’t remember the perfectly folded napkins—they’ll remember the laughter, the warmth, and maybe the moment someone spilled gravy on the carpet.
Try this:
Perfectionists often believe that doing more equals loving more. You might bake cookies for the whole neighborhood, volunteer to host every event, and insist on handling all the details yourself.
But overfunctioning—doing more than your share to keep things running smoothly—isn’t love. It’s burnout in disguise. Real connection doesn’t come from exhausting yourself; it comes from showing up as you are, imperfections and all.
Ask yourself:
The holidays can be a magnifying glass for perfectionist thinking. Maybe you judge yourself for not making the “right” plans, spending enough time with family, or creating “magical” moments for your kids.
This is your inner critic at work, convincing you that you’re only as good as your ability to make things flawless. But perfection is a moving target—and it’s one you were never meant to hit.
Try this instead:
What if success wasn’t about creating a perfect holiday, but about experiencing it? Success could mean:
When you let go of perfectionism, you make space for authenticity. And authenticity is what makes the holidays truly memorable.
This season, I hope you give yourself the gift of grace. Grace to let things be imperfect, to ask for help, to rest when you’re tired. The holidays are meant to be a time of connection and joy—not a report card on how well you’re keeping it all together.
So here’s your permission slip to let go. The best moments often come from the things we didn’t plan for—and the beauty of the holidays lies in their imperfection.
What’s one thing you’re letting go of this holiday season? Let me know in the comments. I’ll be cheering you on every step of the way.
